One of the Unexpected Joys of Aging:

Reconnecting to your inner wisdom

As I edge closer and closer to my mid-sixties, I believe, if you would have told my 30 year old self that, in 30 more years, I would be happier than I had ever been in life; a grandmother to three sweet little boys, with whom I would spend most of my free time playing, while teaching yoga, pilates, wellness and meditation part time, I would have responded that this was incorrect. At 30, I believed I was on track to be a VP of Sales and spent my time choosing to ignore the fact that sales made me miserable and that I absolutely dreaded the pressure of those jobs. If you would’ve told my 40-year-old self, as I was setting out to find love and a soulmate, that there was more than enough love in my life already, I would have told you that you were missing the point. But, in fact, it was I who was missing the point.

I have often wondered what my life might be like if I would have discovered the practices that yoga, meditation and mindfulness have taught me, while in my 20s instead of in my 50s. And what if I would have exercised to make ME feel better, rather than trying to achieve some unrealistic goal of how I thought a woman doing yoga, pilates, spin, etc., should look like or what I believed the world thought a ‘pretty’ woman should look like. In my 20s, I was too busy looking for happiness through my paycheck and through others and their opinions of me and I began having severe anxiety and panic attacks. In my 30's, as a single mom to Nikki and Brandi, living in the suburbs and working in New York City, I was trying to be everything to everybody, and the anxiety and panic attacks only intensified. I kept looking for what was 'wrong' with me, instead of also looking for what was right with me. I wasn’t yet ready to understand the possibilities of a new way of thinking.

While I have some regrets and I have made mistakes (like all of us), I don't regret any of it, in that it has all lead me to who I am today. And while there is always room for growth, where I am today is this sweet space of sustainable contentment (and often bliss and joy), where I don’t let the trials unsettle me.

By finally learning in my 50’s that I needed to let go of trying to categorize everything as either good or bad, black or white, or pretty or ugly, I came to understand that it is ALL here in this moment, it’s not just one or the other. And if I am present to all of it, I get to choose where I give my energy based on what I need and where I am in the moment. In aging, I discovered the joy of simply listening to my own wisdom, feeling my own self compassion, and sitting in my own sense of gratitude. All of this connects me to the beauty and wisdom that is within me, or rather the beauty and wisdom that IS me and around me ... always.

Through these practices, I have decided that I want to age naturally and gracefully. I want to let myself be sixty something years old and not chase unrealistic, de-aging. Sure, I color my hair, wear some makeup, and use a variety of ‘beauty’ products, but those wrinkles, that extra special aging chin of mine, and those little rolls over the top of my yoga pants, those are all 100% me (nope, we didn't photoshop those onto the photos on here). I eat well, but I also eat what I enjoy. I exercise, but I also have pajama days. I meditate. I try to live simply and I make sure to get down on floor or the grass as often as I can and play with my grandsons, Lincoln, Colton, and Silas and my dog, Teddy. It feels so very good to let me be me ... finally!

As a teacher to adult students of all ages, I feel it is not only important to share this wisdom with my students, but to also live it. There are times that this crazy world, with its overwhelming amount of information, divisive issues and politics, and unreal expectations of us, scares me; for myself, my daughters, my grandchildren and all of my friends and students. I wonder if the love and wisdom I am trying to share is all for naught. But then I breathe, and I remember all that I have learned though the years and the strength, stability and wisdom that I am and that I always have been. I know that I’ll move through all of this with grace and gratitude, sharing compassion, love, and wisdom well into old age.

~ Brigitte | April, 2024